Tag Archives: UK

Nov 20 2012

Upgrade Thanksgiving With a Gratitude Visit from Positive Psychology

Positive Psychology

Article by Julia Stewart, MCC

I’ve often said that I wish Thanksgiving was a little more about gratitude and a little less about food. Then again, the food is pretty awesome…

So I’m definitely all for keeping the food! But…

Here’s a way to add gratitude to a Thanksgiving feast that’s both meaningful and memorable. And according to positive pychology research, this exercise will help you feel immediately happier and…you’ll continue to feel happier even six months from now. That’s something to be thankful for!

I’m talking about the Gratitude Visit, which evolved out of Martin Seligman’s Penn State course on positive psychology.

The holiday season is the perfect time to do a positive psychology visit, because so many of us are traveling anyway. I dare you to add it too your Thanksgiving feast. You’ll be glad you did!

Here’s how:

  • Think of someone who has helped you in some life-changing way, but who you have never sufficiently thanked.
  • Then sit down with a pen and paper, or sit at your computer, and write out specifically what that person did for you, the impact it had on your life and how thankful you are.
  • Then travel to that person’s home, or invite them to yours, but don’t tell them about the gratitude visit in advance. An email or telephone call is not enough; you must do this in person.
  • When you are together, whether alone or among others, take out the gratitude story that you previously wrote and read it aloud to them, making frequent eye contact as you read. Then give the story to them to keep.
  • That’s it! Imagine the emotional impact such a strong acknowledgment will have on the person you’re thanking. Interestingly, positive psychologists tell us that the impact on the person who does the thanking is most dramatic.

What more beautiful custom to add to your Thanksgiving tradition?

This exercise was taken from my course titled, Introduction to Positive Psychology for Coaches. Click the button below to learn more and join the next one.

Source: http://www.schoolofcoachingmastery.com/coaching-blog/bid/91660/upgrade-thanksgiving-with-a-gratitude-visit-from-positive-psychology?source=Blog_Email_%5BUpgrade%20Thanksgiving%5D

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Nov 9 2012

Six Ways to Prepare the Body for Spiritual Experience

October 23, 2012 | By | 1 Reply

Anna Hunt, Contributing Writer
Waking Times

The human body is hard-wired in such a way that we have the innate capability to experience deep spiritual events, regardless of one’s religious or theological beliefs. However, the reality of life is that our bodies are constantly bombarded with toxins, chemicals and poisons, while our minds and psyches are constantly cluttered by media, distractions and group-think. Given this rather chaotic environment, it’s no wonder that it is so difficult for most of us to experience genuine spiritual events and that true enlightenment seems so unattainable and out of reach.

Spiritual experiences are profound events. They can heal our psyche and our physical body. They can instantly and permanently alter the way we view life. We become more closely connected with other living beings. We strengthen our essence and create positive change in our lives and in the lives of others. Yet, moments of clarity, enlightenment, spiritual clairvoyance, whatever you wish to call it, are not easy to come by for most. If we take steps to return the body to its more natural, more pure state, we can greatly enhance its capacity to receive spiritual experience and better feel the great mysteries and beauty of life.

The following a variety of measures you can take to enhance your everyday life and prepare the body to receive a spiritual experience.

    1. Food – Eat naturally, with many raw natural foods, whole grains and organics. Significantly reduce and/or abstain from canned and processed foods, as well as refined sugars. Abstain from red meat and pork, and in its place turn to chicken, fish, eggs and natural foods for your protein, fatty acids and B12.

 

    1. Drink – Reduce caffeinated beverages to one cup of coffee or tea per day, and significantly reduce or abstain from alcohol. Add warm water with lemon to your morning ritual, to boost the immune support system, balance pH and improve function of the digestive, lymph and urinary systems.

 

    1. Detoxification – Practice fasting and other detox methods. The day of the fast, drink only water or vegetable broth from sunrise to sunset. During the absence of food, the body will systematically cleanse itself of everything except vital tissue, which helps the body to detoxify. Other ways to cleanse the body may also be beneficial, such as colonics, enemas and liver cleanses. An herbalist, acupuncturist or a doctor of Chinese medicine may have some ideas on which plants and teas can be useful when detoxifying.

 

    1. Emotions – Approach emotions such as aggravation and anger with awareness, to control blood pressure and reduce stress in the body. When negative emotions arise, acknowledge them and then dissolve them using meditation techniques or simply “telling” them they are not needed. Practice kindness to others by proactively performing good deeds, without publicizing them. Cast aside expectations, and embrace the unexpected. Develop constant awareness of the emotional state to create space for improving reactions to situations that arise.

 

    1. Breath – Breathe mindfully and deeply, which will lead to a calm and centered disposition. Turning to an ancient practice such as Yoga, qigong, tai chi or meditation will help achieve a centered, peaceful state, help you calm the breath, and allow you to channel your prana energy towards the reception of higher states of mind.  Proper breathing greatly influences all aspects of life and is considered the foundation of good health and spiritual awareness.

 

  1. Exercise – Perform physical exercise often to repair, loosen and open up the body. The body houses our complex nervous system, which is akin to a complex receiver of information. Re-energizing this important system with regular and varied exercise will help to receive information, however, it is wise to respect your limits and not overdo it.  The improvements in blood flow and better health will positively affect all areas of life. Getting plenty of rest is also a key part of a healthy exercise regimen.

Our daily routines, how we act, what we eat, what we say, can be some of the hardest things to change, but taking small steps at first is a good way to start. Over time, it will become easier to live with conscious awareness, and, as a result, you will cultivate and liberate more of the positive qualities inherent in your true nature. Engaging mindfully these  6 influential aspects of life will improve your receptivity to the positive spiritual energies that are manifesting globally in this transformational time.  What now may seem as difficult or impossible will become a new, sustainable behavior, allowing you to become part of the great shift.

 

Oct 23 2012

What Are We Without Empathy?

Empathy

Empathy (Photo credit: TonZ)

I was watching the other day a documentary about a serial killer and how he tortured his victims. I hate such types of programs yet what interests me about them is how the criminals they talk about can ‘have the heart’ to hurt fellow human beings or even anything living at all. The documentary explained eventually that when the criminal’s brain was scanned, it was concluded that the special place for Empathy inside his brain had been damaged in an accident when he was a child, for which reason, he was feeling no pity nor repentance while committing those crimes.

This all drove me to wonder ‘WHAT are we without empathy?’, and the reason why I am choosing to use the word ‘what’ as opposed to ‘who’ is because the latter indicates that the individual is still considered a human being, which may entail that he or she may actually have feelings underneath the corrupted crust inside his or her brain.

So ‘what’ do we become without empathy?

In order to answer that, we should have a look at what Empathy means and entails.

Dr. Daniel Goleman in his world-famous book “Emotional Intelligence: Why EQ Matters More Than IQ” mentions an incident in Germany, whereby a bike driver had been hit by a car, and remained laying flat to the side of the road completely ignored. He said drivers in surrounding cars were looking at him without feelings/impressions on their faces awaiting their traffic lights to turn green.  It may seem surprising to you or to most of us, but obviously it wasn’t surprising to those fellow drivers who didn’t even care to take that poor biker to the hospital.

Some may say that in this day and age, chivalry has almost disappeared from our glossary. There may not be time for it basically. Also, since time equals money to most of us, then actions that may delay us, can be easily assessed as futile. Some may say that life has become all about money. Others may acknowledge that and still see that there are those who are considered leaders socially who always make this extra step that no one else seems willing to do, without asking anything in return, and despite the fact that he or she may be late to their appointments as a result.

So it boils down to one’s ethics too. So for example, if a manager appreciates the concepts of family, he may not accept that his employees remain after working hours trying to make ends meet, because he may value and acknowledge that his employees actually deserve a rest, family time and right to have a life. Therefore, meanwhile he may push his employees’ performance and urge them to progress with more passion, he would still remind them that work is just part of their lives, and not a reason to forget about life.

However, when we say ethics, we may associate that with a higher brain functionality, one that is totally contradictory to the basic needs (instincts) of a primitive mind. Yet in fact, ethics can also be an organic product of one’s feelings and one’s own level of emotional intelligence. It is like looking inward towards yourselves and emotions with the same lens, through which you look on other people’s feelings outside of you, thus, being able to establish an understanding or a connection between you and them. The more you learn to discern your emotions, the more expert you become in doing that, which in turn translates into better relationships and success in connecting with others. In other words, it is said that one who understands one’s own feelings is usually more effective in responding to other people’s feelings in return. This goes along the famous quote by Plato: “Know Thyself“.

So empathy basically is discerning your own emotions and learning to discern others’ the same way, to a degree that you put yourself in their place and imagine how it would be to be experiencing what they experience. Sounds too much, especially in this fast-paced age, but actually we see aspects of empathy wherever we go. As a matter of fact, it has been proven scientifically that we are wired for empathy. For example, if we watch someone down the street walking with a heavy stack of books or boxes, we automatically shrink our faces and imagine that we are the ones who are carrying that load.

Empathy is also proven to exit naturally in human from a very young age, like when a child sees another child that’s crying. It automatically starts crying too. If a child sees happy kids, he or she automatically starts mimicking that in return. Even most animals have different degrees of genuine empathy. We can see this in a mother animal caressing her children, or when we see two swans leaning their heads against one another forming a shape of a heart.

So how would a natural quality that allows humans, despite all of their differences (age, race, faith, gender, etc.) connect and unit with one another any time anywhere? How valuable is this unique quality to us? Are we willing to oppress it or improve it?  Is it worth stopping to help out someone who seems in dire need of help?

On the other hand, what happens if we oppress our own feelings of empathy? Does this make us less human? What would a person become without empathy? I was thinking of all these questions,and realized that human fixation can be as deep as a black hole. The more one looks inwards, the more experiences one is exposed to. It also depends on the way you are looking. For example, there are those who look inwards with a loner’s attitude, reminiscing of a happy past or negatively dwelling on how unlucky one had always been. The result of such perspective conjures up even more sadness, loneliness, sense of isolation and negativity. Also, too much inward fixation can lead to a major shift of attention to the outside world and the healthy human need to socialize with other people and integrate with new potential happy encounters. When one is too focused on pitying oneself, the less empathy one is going to feel for others, thus the more distant one may become to surrounding happenings and people around one or in the world.

Empathy is said to bring people closer to one another by being able to identify with each other’s feelings and needs. It is also said to be the mother of compassion. Alfred Adler described it as “seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.”

Eyebrows can also help portray empathy.

Eyebrows can also help portray empathy. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Eyebrows can also help portray empathy. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On the other hand, individuals with an abusive or aggressive past may lack empathy too, as their past experiences may have turned them into beast-like humans: aggressive, selfish or a victim to one’s own primitive instincts that once they get fulfilled, one may repetitively yearn for more. Some scientist once said such individuals become more like vampires or human predators. Vampires don’t have empathy, and the more they drain a human of blood, the more blood they crave.  However, both modes (the introvert and predator) can share one common tendency, which is to constantly seek sensual satisfaction through whichever way possible, and they can become not deterred by ethical or moral inhibitions that a healthy person shuns away from.

So all that brings us to the main question, which is the title of this article: What (not Who) Are We Without Empathy?
“A human being is a part of a whole, called by us “universe”, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest… a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”  Albert Einstein

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Oct 8 2012

Stress Makes Us Less Intelligent and More Physically Sick

One key reason why the sciences of Emotional Intelligence and Cognitive Behavioral Psychology are gaining more fame nowadays is because they are succeeding in explaining the physical implications of our beliefs and feelings. Feelings have been marginalized for centuries, as they have been considered to make ‘weaker’.

IQ or mathematical intelligence has been considered the key indicator of intelligence for ages. Yet, many intelligent and professionally successful individuals are still unhappy.

How about beliefs? What are beliefs?

Beliefs are the filters that we go on in life composing and looking at life’s events from behind them. These filters are also managing the way we feel and interact with those events. As a result, people whose beliefs are negative, end up with a poor health, and those with positive beliefs live longer, have healthier bodies and are generally more successful in surviving than those with negative beliefs.
Does this mean our health, success and happiness are all subject to operations that happen inside our brains, rather than anywhere else in our bodies?

Certainly! It has been proven that whatever the brain thinks and feels about a particular topic, it is interpreted and manifested in physical ways. Feelings trigger thousands of chemicals that flood our bodies and blood stream at the same time we are experiencing them. Remembering them also can trigger the same kind of chemicals.

Therefore, feelings should not be marginalized. Rather, they need to be viewed and monitored. The types of chemicals that are triggered when we are sad, mad, angry or stressed for example can have an even more powerful effect than an actual accident physically affecting the body.

Check out this amazing documentary that is definitely worth watching to the end by Dr. Bruce Liptop, who explains the Biology of Belief, and how beliefs can actually lead us to make less intelligent choices in life, get increasingly more sick, and jeopardize our lives:

Be kind to yourself. This is the real secret to a better health, a happier life and a more successful life path.

Cheers!

Sep 23 2012

Why Command-and-Control Leadership Is Here to Stay

HBR Blog Network
Why Command-and-Control Leadership Is Here to Stay

by Herminia Ibarra | 12:00 PM September 20, 2012

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Travelling through Zurich airport, one billboard always catches my eye. The ad for IWC luxury watches says “Engineered for men who don’t need a copilot.”

My friends who study advertising as both a reflection and shaper of cultural norms would not disagree with my impression: We talk about the death of command and control leadership, and praise the rise of a new, more collaborative, breed of leader. But when push comes to shove, being in control sells. Collaborative is vegan; directive is meat and potatoes.

When I was a PhD student at Yale, I studied with one of the fathers of situational leadership, Victor Vroom. In the 1960′s Vic developed the then-famous Vroom-Yetton model of leadership, a decision tree in which a few simple parameters (does the leader have all the relevant information, are the followers knowledgeable or inexperienced?) allowed the leader to choose from a menu of styles ranging from A1 (the most autocratic decision-making) to G2 (group-based decision-making, the most participative) the one most suited for the situation. An avid boatman, Vic had a large sailboat parked in the Caribbean. Its name: A1. On my boat, I call the shots.

An early proponent of participative management, Vic also knew when and how to be in charge. No one quarrels much with the wisdom of situational leadership anymore. Even if we can no longer pin it on a few simple dimensions — the world today is much more turbulent and complex — we all know that what works depends on the context.

The questions today are how we select “horses for courses,” and perhaps more importantly, how we assess whether talented individuals are capable of broadening their repertory of styles so that they can be effective in a wider array of situations as their careers evolve.

In the business school classes I teach, almost every leader we analyze is “situationally limited:” Her natural tendency tilts either towards the directive or towards the collaborative end of the spectrum or his past experience has rewarded one over the other. Inevitably we ask, is this way of leading sustainable as the company grows? Once the turnaround is over? As the environment grows harsher?

My students’ questions apply equally to the collaborators and the autocrats. But over the years I have noticed a subtlety. We easily infer that a competent autocrat can learn to become more collaborative. We have a harder time believing that a competent collaborator can become more directive.

In the end, we seem to want evidence that a leader can do without a co-pilot before we are willing to groom him or her for more collaborative roles. I wonder if that is not one reason why command and control isn’t dead at all but alive and well, at least at Zurich airport.
More blog posts by Herminia Ibarra
More on: Collaboration, Leadership, Leadership development
Herminia Ibarra

Herminia Ibarra

Herminia Ibarra is a professor of organizational behavior and the Cora Chaired Professor of Leadership and Learning at Insead. She is the author of Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career (Harvard Business Review Press, 2003).

Aug 17 2012

Vanity vs Gratitude

I’ve been watching lately some Hollywood’s box office movies. I soon realized there were many similar messages they were sending to the young audience they are intended for, for example:

- Bullying individuals were pretty people, whether boys or girls.

- People with brains (not particularly keen on partying wild and showing off) were either ugly or ‘needed a makeover’ (needed to be fixed in one way or another).

- Promiscuous individuals are more popular and successful (mostly well off).

- Dressing as minimally as possible (especially if one has a great body) is a sign that the guy or girl is attractive, confident, sexy, cool, popular and successful, like a guy with his shirt off or a girl whose dress is open and short, etc.

These were some of the messages that jumped out at me repetitively as I was watching.

This has also brought me to think that perfecting all those requirements (great body, money, fancy clothes or cars, etc) to look and be successful or popular do not really lead to happiness. Most of the time, those perfect-looking people are looking for something that makes them feel complete inside.  If they couldn’t find it, they constantly look for sedatives (a wild fling, drugs, pills, alcohol, etc.) to help them get through time, forget and move on. They also look ‘cool’ as they do so. So this does highlight the spiritual/emotional gap that results from their lifestyle and the daily choices they are making.

This led me to contemplate the difference between vanity and gratitude. I realized that being vain means contributing every blessing one has to oneself, such as saying to oneself: I am beautiful because I am better, I have a nice body because I am not lazy and I workout, I have a big house and a big car because I am successful and rich, I have a sexy partner because I wouldn’t settle with anything else, I have a career because I want power, I have children because I want others to see the great parent I am and that I am ‘on-top-of-it-all’, I have great health and I am powerful, etc. Meanwhile, as this sounds like self-confidence, it does also imply a great degree of vanity and superiority; like I am the origin of everything I am and have. What contradicts this idea, however, is that there are ‘other’ attractive, hard-working, ambitious, confident, and cool people who may not be as successful, rich, healthy, fertile, etc. as they are.

I believe we are constantly driven to believe that we are the cause of our own blessings, like the recent books titles implying that we are our own god, genie, diva, miracle-maker, etc.  Whereas achieving one’s goals may lead to one’s happiness, it does not imply that the achievement of our goals ‘made possible’ was entirely attributed to us. What popular movies usually imply is that when you are, perfect-looking, sexy and smart, you are bound to succeed in life. On the other hand, I have seen and known real people with real lives who may just be doing a bit more than what those in movies do, and they may not look as 100% perfect as they do.

We are encouraged to believe that ‘things’ make us happy, but it is the opposite; it is us who bestow meanings upon things, and not vice versa. That being said, I don’t negate the psychological factor that does make us feel more confident when we achieve a goal, like having a great body, sexy clothes, wild friends, or being popular in our circle, etc. Yet, these are not happiness-making factors. Therefore, feeling vain because of the blessings you have does not mean you are happy or complete, especially that nothing is permanent in life; health, wealth, beauty, a successful career, etc. may be lost at any time, as we have seen during this recent recession, which has led a lot of people to fall prey to depression, mainly because when one sees oneself at the centre of that self-portrait, one is only focusing on one’s self and the fulfillment of one’s needs, wishes and desires. This emphasizes that one lives by oneself in this world, in isolation from others and ‘their’ needs and wishes that we can help them with. In other words, vanity thinking is seeking happiness through attaining proclaimed happiness requirements without seeing or caring for anyone else in the picture but oneself. It is the opposite of empathy, which growing our sense of self-worth and genuine happiness through seeking a noble life purpose through helping others and being attuned to their needs and wishes.

In coaching, coaches are encouraged to support clients to recognize blessings (minimal to bigger ones) in their daily life. They say it is proven in the science of the human psyche that feeling grateful significantly enhances one’s brain capability to think more productively and positively, and elevates negative emotions, like sadness, sorrow, anger, etc.

Feeling grateful means – even if you don’t believe that there is a God in the world who distributes blessings upon people – that you appreciate and count the privileges you have got, i.e. that you feel privileged because you have so and so of blessings that other people who are just as smart, successful, charming, attractive, healthy, fertile, well-off, etc. may not have. Therefore, when one gets oneself out of the centre of the fancy self-portrait one has drawn for oneself for years, and starts thinking that whatever one has is a privilege that deserves feeling grateful for. Then, one starts feeling that one has been endowed with them, and not ‘entitled’ to them.

This offers a fresh perspective on life and everything you have. If we believe we are entitled to what we have, we may take them for granted and become blind to the minimal and bigger privileges we have got. However, if we see everything we have as a privilege, then we start thinking positively about everything we consider about our lives, bodies, health, partners, etc. Simply because we start appreciating what we have, we grow our sense of satisfaction about it. This is where the feeling of gratitude develops. However, I’ve had someone asking me: But if I don’t believe there is a God in this world, who will I feel grateful for?

It was a pretty tricky question, because I personally do believe that there is a God in this world, and my feeling of satisfaction and gratitude towards everything He has blessed me with is the secret behind my resilience in life, despite all challenges. I pondered upon the guy’s question, then decided to ask him back: If you don’t believe there is a God in this world, who would you feel grateful for? It can’t be you who is the causing factor of everything you have got. For example, you were not the reason behind your good looks when you were born. Nor is it up to you to stop yourself from having cancer or an accident, because we have seen perfectly healthy people dying due to both of these despite their healthy, organic and safe lifestyles. If you didn’t die in an accident or by cancer, old age will do the trick. But how do you know until when you are going to live?

He was silent for a while, and contemplated my questions, then said: I definitely feel I am grateful for having what I have, simply as I see my friends don’t have half of what I have, even though we almost worked in the same companies and graduated from similar reputable universities. Then, we went on to talk about luck. This is definitely taking me away from the core subject of this article, but it was a conversation worth mentioning, as it helped us delve into deep thoughts and questions typically people – on the run – don’t bother themselves to think about.

All in all, vanity is feeling we ‘control’ what we have, and this is a false conception. The recession has taught us that nothing is fixed and permanent. Not only that, but also diseases, airplane crashes, earthquakes, etc. Vanity – or thinking one is the source of his/her own blessings – may lead one to severe depression if things do no go the way s/he intended them to do.

On the other hand, gratitude is appreciating and seeing life for what it is. This inspires us to see even the most mundane blessings as gifts that we did not sweat for. For example, silence at night is a great gift. I have lived in countries where building and constructions workers do not stop working on weekends or even in the evening when people put their kids to sleep. Other countries are war-stricken, and kids have to sleep despite sounds of bombs and gunshots that become a habitual happening in their neighborhoods. Not only silence at night, but on the weekends, in the evening, the ability to clearly hear birds singing early in the morning, the soft breeze that gently touches your cheeks as you stand in front of a water landscape, the beauty of nature, the cuteness of our kids, the genuine care of our loved ones, our ability to hear, see, touch and smell, etc. There is so much to be grateful for, and I do not believe we – people on the run – are the causing factor of them all. We are too busy to see these simple blessings but they are there. Believe it or not, it is us who can make the choice to appreciate them or not, to think that despite any hardships we may be going through there are still some good things to derive from them and to enjoy around us, and finally, I personally find the gift of life as the best gift ever, because every minute is a chance to turn oneself life around the way you want. This is an opportunity that is unavailable in any other domain in our lives (work, parenthood, commitments, loans, etc.)

What do you think?

Aug 10 2012

Effect of Positive & Negative Emotions On Water

This part is taken of the documentary “What The Bleep Do We Know”, which shows an experiment done by a Japanese scientist called Dr. Masaru Emoto on the effects of negative and positive emotions on water molecules.

Our bodies are %90 water, how would our negative and positive emotions affect them?

Aug 9 2012

Empathy & Team Spirit

I found this masterpiece online today and wanted to share it; teaching school kids how to empathize with one another, work in a team and carry self-responsibility.

Fantastic clip!

Enjoy!

Jul 20 2012

Why Do We Wait For An Expert To Tell Us The Answers We Already Know

I have never thought of this particular topic until I’ve had some interesting recent experiences, during which I realized that people revere experts (doctors, therapists, priests, etc.) to a great extent that they constantly seek their advice, opinion or consultancy.

On TV, the radio, the internet, etc., we are bombarded by advice from all sorts and types. Some of it is even based on gender. Furthermore, most  – if not all – of us may know at least one friend who sees a therapist, a doctor or a consultant on a frequent pattern.

Why are we constantly looking ‘out there’ for advice, as opposed to establishing a daily routine, whereby one connects to him/herself, and delve into its depths, questioning what goes on inside there?

Why is it that we accept standards shown to us on street banners and posters, tv, the internet, etc. and not set our own?

Why do we care more about how we sound than about what we really wish to say?

Even though experts really sound impressive, everyone knows what really aches them in life, in their bodies, hearts, etc. So why are we constantly driven to listen to what experts have to say about us, when we – first and foremost – know what is it that we need?

Whereas some experts’ jobs includes giving feedback or voicing out their opinion, a coach’s job is one where a client gets to talk more than the expert listening to him. The expert – when feels necessary to give feedback – would ask first for the client’s permission to do so, as an indication that a coach’s opinion in the client is not an essential element in the coaching relationship.

In coaching, it is believed that every person is their own doctor or healer. Every person has the ability to recognize the type of pain and its cure.  What is really needed is a good thorough reflection into one’s own life, mind and heart, and then the answers start materializing before one’s own eyes.

On the other hand, just as helpful and powerful coaching can be to many individuals, some people may jeopardize an entire coaching relationship just to sound ‘right’, ‘cool’, ‘smart’, etc. This usually derives from perceiving important things in a shallow way, which results in missing out on the great learning opportunities they offer.

Being honest with ourselves is the first key to connecting with oneself and one’s inner wisdom, which usually guides one towards what they really want and where truly wish to go. If we block this innate and miraculous ability, we become vulnerable and shaky, driven with any wind that passes our way.

It’s important to keep asking ourselves: Who is making my life decisions? Is it really me?

If not, it is time for one to connect truly and honestly with oneself and honor all the learnings that originate from there, despite of how painful it may be. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and you’ll eventually be following a path of your own choice and liking.

Jul 12 2012

Business : How to stop the mind chatter and gain clarity of thought

by BlackStarVerified SafeNetworking [36.47:91] on 15-Nov-08 12:10pm

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Post this page to Twitter. Optionally highlight text before clicking this button. Post this page to LinkedIn. Optionally highlight text before clicking this button. send a message Message For many, meditation is inextricably linked with spiritual practices. In many religions, the path to spiritual enlightenment involves meditation.

Whatever your beliefs about the spiritual, meditation can be of great value for people in business looking to achieve financial success and achieve their business goals. The following are the benefits I have gained from meditating on and off over the years….

CLARITY AND FOCUS
I think the major benefit of meditation for me personally, in fact long before I set up in business, was being more in control of my thinking. Before I began meditating my thinking was all over the place and I was not very disciplined in my thinking. Meditation and getting used to thinking of one thing (or indeed nothing at all!) and in letting go of random thoughts really helped me to concentrate on the task at hand to the exclusion of everything else. Multi-tasking may seem like a brilliant thing to be able to do in a busy day but sometimes one needs to focus exclusively on one task. Like, for example, if I am designing a new workshop or preparing for a speaking engagement – It would not be helpful having my thoughts distracted with other stuff like the calls I need to make or perhaps the previous things the deal I lost earlier in the day.

Clarity of thought and focus is valuable in business and meditation helps to develop this. You can still multi-task if you want but that becomes a choice rather the only way of operating. It has allowed me, when selling, to focus solely on my clients and prospects and exclude all my own thoughts about what it would mean to win the business. I can still do that thinking before I meet the customer and afterwards but not when I am in their presence.

INTUITION
A by-product of achieving stillness of mind is that you eventually get to the position where you are able to tell the difference between one’s own thoughts and those of others…….and those coming from your unconscious mind. Other people’s thoughts often show up as mental chatter. They may be those of your parents, your loved ones etc If you pay close attention they have a voice that is not your own. After you have been meditating for a while, you may begin to start picking up other people’s thoughts from the ether. As we all broadcast our thinking in some way then a quietened mind can start to pick up on these and tell these thoughts from their own. This is not about being psychic, its about the fact that when you have a quiet mind you can start to pick up signals that previously were lost in all the noise.

Intuition is something else….it has been referred to by others as inner tuition….where part of one’s unconscious mind (also known as the Self) sends you messages to help and support you. The more one can discern these signals from those of one’s emotions, ego, and mental chatter, the more insight one can gain. This is where, for example, in sales and negotiation, you are able to tune into where the other people are coming from and better able to put forward a winning proposition. Its where, guided by your intuition, you are more able to be in the right place at the right time to get lucky.


RELAXATION AND STRESS REDUCTION
A third benefit is in being able to better manage one’s cool and remain relaxed and calm. This was actually how I got into it all in the first place. I used to suffer with confidence and self esteem issues which showed up partially by working hard to achieve. I became very stressed and meditation helped me to become calmer and more relaxed. I am still quite intense but that comes without the stress. I like the intensity and focus and it allows me to do incredibly fast coaching and problem solving. Its not everyones cup of tea but I am fine about that too!! The important thing is that I am able to have fun with it rather than working my way to a heart attack! Clients and prospects can tell if you are stressed out and it does not go down too well!!

HOW TO GET STARTED
There are loads of different ways of meditating and I have tried lots of them over the years. The easiest one to get started is just to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and pay attention to the sound of your breathing. Take deep breaths in and out from the stomach area. When you start doing this you normally find even more thought coming into your mind. I was taught to imaging clouds floating by and each thought is a cloud. If you start thinking about a thought…just recognise it and let it go. The aim is..over time…to sit still for 10 or more minutes with a totally still mind. It takes a while but once you can do that you get the added benefits of some really lovely peaceful sensations.

If you cannot spare 10 minutes a day to relax and meditate then you probably need to spend more time meditating!! I think it was Ghandi who remarked on having a really busy day ahead and so he needed to meditate longer than normal!

I am really glad that I was open minded enough all those years ago to give it a go. I have had lots of periods when I have stopped meditating for weeks or months but the more clarity I have gained as to when I work at my best..the more I realise that meditation is an important part of my daily rituals in the morning. The benefits to sales and business in general are endless and the great thing is that it works whatever your beliefs about religion and spirituality


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