Trust vs. Doubt
Trust is like the OK order that a brain sends to the body and universe to start fulfilling a particular wish. Trust is feeling mostly safe about the decision you want to make, or the goal you wish to fulfill. It of course not devoid of fear, but it is a feeling of excitement and safety mixed with a hint of fear that leads us to trust something, someone or even ourselves about something or to do something.
Doubt on the other hand is like an interrupting set of signals that hamper the emotional coherence of the mind and body. Doubt originates from fear and gives birth to indecision. We say we want to do something, but we delay, postpone or withdraw from doing something altogether.
Trust is mostly safety around a particular idea or perspective. Doubt is mostly fear around a particular thought or perspective. A coach can do a great job with the client if he can explain to them that trust and doubt are choices the client may be making, whether subconsciously or consciously. Once one realizes that these ‘are’ choices, one may want to start questioning them. With the coach’s support, a client can feel safe to explore other positive perspectives until a remarkable shift from significance to lightness happens that can truly change client’s life.
Awareness is a key factor is shifting from doubt to trust, and this is a large task a coach can offer to his clients.
Responsibility vs. Blame
Many people know what their problem is and what the solution is but they remain in denial of it falsely believing things solve themselves out with time.
Truth is these people are more prone to blaming themselves for not achieving their goals and committing to solving their problems. Blame, of self or others, can become habitual plaguing one’s personal and social skills. Blame is a type of judgement, which once it labels oneself or someone else with a negative conception, it shuts the brain from having to deal with it. When one says: “I am lazy. That is why I still haven’t done that”, he is not carrying his own responsibility but rather blaming and bullying himself in a way that makes it thing look justified.
Blame is such an unhealthy behavior that doesn’t lead one to success. A coach needs to heighten client’s awareness around the recurrent lack of productivity resulting from not carrying the responsibility of the delay in committing to the actions client sets for himself.
The magical contrast between blame and responsibility is that once one acknowledges his the part he plays in any situation, it becomes clear for him to find solutions, and more possibly commit to them.
Commitment vs. Trying
This reminds of that scene at The Matrix where Morpheus tells Neo: Stop Trying to Hit me, just hit me! This refers to intent being the origin of one’s actions. Many times we are driven by our inner autopilot mode to doing things. Most of the time we do things because we know we ‘should’ or ‘have’ to do them. Sooner or later, the energy that feeds those actions fades and we are back to point zero. I also once heard a sports trainer saying: Stop trying to lose weight. Just lost it! Trying to lose weight is more torturing than actually committing to a particular diet with a strict regime of sports. That is because of our perceived hardship as we diet or work out.
It is very important for our intent to keep shining through the path we are progressing in. If we don’t have a target, then we’re moving ahead in vein. We’re moving in a direction without passion, willingness and determination.
Committing means maintaining our intent behind wanting to do a particular action, and trying is lying to ourselves (not being true to ourselves) about doing something in pursuit of something we are still not convinced of.
It is very important for the coach to keep checking in with the client on where they ‘truly’ wish to go, and what they really want to do. Often times, we opt to do things that we are not convinced of or not in favor of. Combining intent with commitment gets one on the way to achieving one’s goals.
The difference between evading and taking action is whether or not a client rides the commitment vehicle to get from point A to B. What I mean by that is that the distance between A (the current where client is) and B (the goals the client strongly wants to achieve) is the commitments list a client need to fulfill in order to achieve mobility (moving from A to B).
Client’s committing to action is like riding a vehicle that is charged by all those positive feelings (motivation, honor one’s values, resilience, etc.) to get to where s/he really wants.
After making sure to heighten client’s awareness around his/her underlying beliefs and helping him/her shift from significance to lightness, a coach can always show the client where they are on the distance line between A and B. If a client gets distracted, bored, etc. in the middle of the road, or if client starts going back to A, a coach can clearly show them that by explaining that client is returning to A (maybe out of fear) and is getting farther from B (their goals).
A coach can use acknowledgement, powerful questions, paraphrasing, etc. to heighten client’s perspective at different stages of creating action. A coach needs to remain at all times attuned to their client to be more able to support client to maintain their momentum.
This is the hot zone both coach and client need to get to and heal in order for the client to accept to think of other options than the ones he so fixedly believes in. Underlying beliefs are called like that because they lie so deeply inside, and the process of unearthing those beliefs is an on-going one, whereby a coach has to really hold that safe space for the client to re-question them.
Underlying beliefs keep showing up along the coaching process, but that’s a good sign that the coaching relationship is getting somewhere. The problem is when the client is completely aligned with their inner critic to an extent that they don’t see their negative underlying beliefs as unproductive or disruptive to his/her success. This type of client may require more patience from the coach and constant re-framing of perspective to help client to really shed light over those hidden beliefs.
It can be one of the most enjoyable yet draining phases during the coaching relationship yet the more the client commits to it, and the faster his/her progress becomes.
If we imagine that the brain is the Control Unit that makes all the choices that the body executes, then underlying beliefs are all the equations that form the matrix by which the Control Unit operates. People may spend all their lives making similar choices. However, once they gain awareness around their underlying beliefs, and have the opportunity to re-question them in a safe space, one’s life may dramatically improve by adopting new and more positive beliefs that actually get them where they really want to be and do what they wish to do.
It is important for the coach not to show the client any form of judgement, such as implying that a particular belief is right or wrong. There is no right or wrong in beliefs, but there are ones that are productive and those that aren’t, and this is a perspective that can empower the client to ditch negative beliefs in favor of ones that are more positive and productive.